The attic that we live in ain’t much, but it sure is cozy. All 80 of us live together in the small rectangular space, which sometimes gets a little cramped I must admit. However, I am in no place to complain as it is partly my fault we ended up here…. Okay, it’s completely my fault. I made the mistake of becoming too involved in the human world in my younger years and am continuing to pay for that mistake. It ends up okay though when my family keeps on popping out little ones. They call me ‘Uncle Grub’ whether I’m their uncle or not and I find it rather endearing.
“Uncle Grub! Uncle Grub! Can you tell us a story?! Pleaseeeee!” ten of the little fiends gather around my roughly constructed rocking chair that I put together myself a few months ago. As I get older, I find myself becoming less and less active and more wanting to stay inside. Not that my family trusts me with much else. I shake my head at the babies.
“No, no, your Uncle Grub is resting right now, no time for storytelling.” I lean back in my rocking chair and turn my pink nose up. My whiskers twitch and I find myself wanting to get a stick of wood to chew. I have been on that stuff like a spider on insects. It may not be good for me, but it’s what gets me through the day.
“Please Uncle Grub, pleaseeee!!” The little ones keep begging and jumping up and down squeaking to their hearts’ content. I sigh loudly and they all look up at me hopefully. I have to admit, they sure are persistent.
“Okay, I’ll tell you what, if one of you little ones go grab Uncle Grub a stick of wood to chew as I tell the story, I’ll comply with your demands” I smile as I say this, knowing that they will do anything for me as long as I occupy their small minds.
They cheer before scampering off to fetch what I asked for. I look over to some of the adult rats rolling their eyes. I do love these baby rats as they don’t see me the way the rest of my family always has. The little ones actually believe in me and don’t think about my past or how when I was their age, I had so many big dreams. All my family did was crush them, which is why I’ve never gotten along with my litter mates. I look at all the adult rats and wait for them to tell me off, but as normal, they stick to careless whispering and dirty looks. Who knew family could be so demanding, but they’re all I have and all I’ve ever had.
Two little ones come back from fetching the wood, it’s my niece Pipsqueak and my nephew Rascal.
“Okay, Uncle Grub, we are ready! Tell us the story!” I lean back in my chair as all ten little rats sit in front of me with all eyes on me.
“Alright, this story begins with a young rat not much older than you…well I guess a bit older than you. I was about 18 when the colony had to move crawl spaces which I’m sure you youngens may have heard about, but what you might not know is why. Well, one day you’re Uncle Grub here lived in a space much bigger than this for many years. The humans that lived in this house had no idea we were there. We had lived there for about…eh…maybe five or so decades. The attic in this house was deliberately hidden and we made sure not to chew through anything major for them to find us. Finding a new place for 80 rats is surprisingly hard, not to mention so inconvenient. Before we lived there my Great Uncle Cheeseball told me that our family got run out of our old crawlspace by mice. MICE! Don’t even get me started on those disgusting creatures. They think they are cuter and nicer than rats when all they like to do is sniff cheese and sharpen their already sharp teeth. As you may know, the war between mice and rats has gone on for eternity. If I ever ran into one of them, I’d attack on sight.”
The mischief giggled as I said this, knowing even at their young age the hatred between our two species. I chuckled as I always love making them laugh. I continue acting as if they didn’t interrupt.
“One day I was particularly irritable towards mice and the rest of the colony. I decided to take a leisurely stroll outside of the attic, which as you kids know is incredibly dangerous. The rules are in place for a reason, and you are never to leave the attic alone in case of being caught by humans or even worse…SNIFFERS.” I lean forward and extend my arms making all the little ones jump. They all get wide eyed, and I can tell they are on edge at the mention of the sniffer.
“So, I broke the rule and left the attic I proceeded through the small opening that leads into the upstairs bedroom of the house after dodging my baby cousins playing hide and feel whiskers like you little ones enjoy though I’m not sure why.”
They all nod enthusiastically as I take another moment to fake roll my eyes and take a few chews on the wood in my paw.
“Once through the opening and into the much cooler aired closet the noise of the colony drowned out. I finally felt at peace for the first time in days as the silence settled around me. I was hiding behind long human coats and listened to make sure I didn’t hear any two-legged footsteps. I took a breath and let my whiskers feel around at the soft clothing as well as smell the calming scent of laundry detergent. Fresh clothing is delicious smelling, and it took everything in me not to start chewing. I know you little ones might not know what that smells like, but if you ever get the chance, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.”
I feel myself drifting into the memory as I chew on more of the wood and I smell the fresh clothes. That day was miraculous for me, and I never will forget that scent. The little ones egg me on pulling at my rocking chair to continue the story, their curious minds running away with themselves.
“So, I began to pitter patter on the carpeted floor towards the bedroom door and into the hallway. The carpet there was incredibly helpful as it dampened my paw steps. I slowed down as I reached the top of the stairs and sniffed. Nothing. This was a good sign as we had not heard humans below us in quite some time and there had been no signs of them when we tried to find food downstairs every couple of months. In fact, it had been almost a year since the last time we even had eyes on a human or caught their scent. During this time though, we had heard noises the past few days which made this expedition even more dangerous!”
“Wow Uncle Grub! You were such a daredevil!” The group nodded and looked at each other excitedly. They found this adventure quite the dare not realizing where the story was going.
“You might think that now but let me tell you more of the story before you think of me as a genius” I take another chew of the wood and take a breath before continuing.
“Suddenly, I heard dishes clanging and a set of two legs walking around in what I assumed was the kitchen. This is where humans eat and where us rats like to steal food from at night. If you aren’t aware little ones, in the evening we go down and get into the garbage cans, that many humans leave out in the open. This was my job in this home and that’s why it’s again so important to NOT LEAVE THE ATTIC IN DAYLIGHT.” I opened my eyes wide and got big and loud to emphasize this point that I had previously so carelessly ignored. The little ones looked scared but also intrigued by what else I had to say.
“How do you know when you encounter a human Uncle Grub?” Little Rascal squeaked out.
“You’ll know. Humans are so loud! They stomp around and bang all of their strange objects together, it’s very easy to hear them.” I stand up on two paws and charade stomping and giggle at the memory of the people I’ve seen in my lifetime. All of the children laugh at this with me, and I sit back down and start to rock.
“Alright so, I quietly hopped down a couple steps and tried to see if I could get a visual of what was going on. I still was unable to see anything due to a wall obstruction, but I could hear voices speaking. Unfortunately, I am no good at human speak and only recognize a few words that they say. All of a sudden, I heard an unimaginable sound. It was so awful, I needed to hide. But I wasn’t sure where! It was coming for me fast; I could hear it starting to run. I quickly turned and ran into a nearby closet and peeked out in the crack of the door. I barely moved…I barely breathed! The worst part about being in the human world is that you have to risk your life every single day with this 4-legged wagging tail thing.” At this all of the children gasp and jump up squeaking and squalling. They know I am referencing a sniffer as this is how we are all first introduced to them with this description. Many of the children turn towards each other and giggle but look nervous, while the rest of them run around my rocking chair in hysterics. I wait and laugh as they lose their little minds, simply chewing on my wood as they do this. Once they calm and go back to their seats, they beg me to keep going.
“As you kits and pups know, the sniffer can sniff out just about anything which is why we don’t risk going into the open if there is one around. So, I quietly watched as the sniffer did its thing walking around in circles with its nose glued to the ground before going into the back bedroom and jumping on the bed. I heard it begin to snore within the next few minutes and I knew I was good to go. I moved and jumped down more steps this time so I could see directly into the kitchen from the steps. I looked just in time and saw the most beautiful human I’ve ever laid my two eyes on.” I pause taking a chew as I recount the visual. I still feel my heart skip a beat at this image ingrained in my memory.
“There was nothing objectively beautiful about this woman. She wore the plainest clothes, with little to no color. Her light hair was everywhere and looked like our rat’s nests and she even had scratches and bruises on her body. The thing that attracted me to her though was her shoelaces. They looked like a great snack and when I saw her with the shoelaces, I couldn’t resist along with fact she smelled of sweet nuts and berries!” At this all the little rats had wide eyes and looked confused as to why Uncle Grub might find this human attractive. Grub laughed a jolly laugh as he thought the same thing, but he could still feel his love for her remain.
“You all might be wondering what makes her different than any other dirty human we have been put on the face of this earth with. Well, let me tell you. This human would leave her dirty dishes out on the counter. She would not always wash her clothes, which as much as I love the scent of fresh laundry, I love dirty laundry even more! And the biggest thing was her cooking. It smelled just like fresh garbage!” I took another chew after I said this letting the little one’s digest and discuss with each other. I could still remember the first time I smelled her garbage food. Not one detail had left me even after all this time.
“After I saw her for the first time I immediately fell in love. All I wanted was to see her again. She had walked out to the back yard and seemed to have company over. Before I knew what I was doing, I scurried into the kitchen and hid behind the curtains so I could see out into the yard behind the house. There was a beautiful green landscape that blossoms with flowers of all types. I saw this, but it did not compare to the majestic woman who was standing before me. I felt my heartbeat speed up again and I got incredibly warm. This was unlike anything I had ever felt before.” At this many of the little pups roll their eyes and make gagging noises.
“Uncle Grub!! Why would you make this so mushy? I want action and war” they groaned at me. I again chuckle while the kits smile and respond with “I think it’s so romantic! Please go on Uncle Grub! We want to know what happens next! Do they get married?” The little female rats are now jumping up and down and I must slow their roll. It occurs to me that they think I’m making all of this up on the spot, and how I wish I was.
“Babies! Let me tell it!” They all get quiet again and I continue.
“As I stared out the window images flashed in my mind of taking this woman to a fancy restaurant as I sat hidden by curtains on the windowsill. I imagined sitting across from her while she would giggle and blush and tap my whiskers playfully. I would bashfully eat my ratatouille and smile. After dinner I would walk her home under the light of 1000 stars and sit on her shoulder as we fell in love. I imagined giving her a kiss on the cheek and watching as she goes inside her home and hopefully dreams of me. I imagined waiting for her at the end of an aisle where all my friends and family cheer and jump out of their tiny pews and her family stands and cheers after we share the first few bite marks of a symbolic piece of wood, promising to chew together through life. I imagined having little Grubs who run around and drive us crazy until we are old and empty nested. I imagined being with her until the end of time.” I feel saddened as I relive this moment. Nothing was a bigger dream than a rat falling in love with a human. What a foolish pup I was.
“I then shook my head as a pesky fly knocked my whiskers. It brought me out of this ludicrous daydream. I looked back out the window and stared some more at this masterpiece of a woman. I felt slightly troubled like there might be something wrong with me as I had never looked at another rat and seen a future. These feelings were alien to me, but I wanted to embrace them. I decided then and there that I would try to fight for her! The rest of the day I stayed down in the house creeping and crawling around to watch my love. I knew this was incredibly dangerous and I should never have even thought this was a good idea. She walked so clumsily and laughed like a hyena. There was no reason I should be attracted to her, yet the beautiful smell of nuts and berries as well as her garbage cooking kept me watching her.” I take a breath. This was the hardest part to tell without tearing up or making any move. I know that the adults are probably listening to make sure I don’t feed their children “healthy food” as we call bad stories. I sigh and listen to the children complain about me taking a pause.
“Go get me a bit of water and I’ll continue” I again use my power as their favorite relative to give them what they want. They hurry back and sit in their seats eagerly waiting. There was not much else to do on a bleak afternoon except tell them a story I suppose.
“Within a week I had found temporary sleeping quarters in a hidden corner of the house. It’s not like the house was big. Yes, it had an upstairs where the main bedroom was and where the attic was hidden, but it only had one bedroom upstairs, a closet and a bathroom. After that there were stairs and a very open set of rooms. I found one spot in a corner connected to the kitchen and even decorated with moldy cheese and cobwebs onto the walls of my new home. I knew that if anyone from the colony knew what I was up to they would freak out. At this point I was also freaking out as I had no idea what was going on with me. Rats never leave our colonies and to do so was basically suicide!” The boys suddenly became more interested in the story, expecting action. I licked out some water taking my time to resume the story. Here is where things went wild, and the children would not expect it!
“I started to see that my love was sad sometimes and that worried me. I saw that her sadness was coming from an object she keeps around her finger. I still am not sure what this was, but I waited for an opportunity to steal it away and destroy it. So, one day as I watched her, she took the finger object and set it on the counter. She left the room, and I knew that was my chance. I could prove to her that I am all she needs to be happy. It then occurred to me that the idea that rats and humans could create a life together was madder than mice on mozzarella cheese!” I earned a giggle for this line, as everyone likes making fun of mice.
“What I did was I snuck into the kitchen and jumped on a chair to the counter and snagged the little finger object. I darted to my private living quarters and investigated this weird circular thing. It was gold and made of some strong metal as I couldn’t chew through it. It had a few strange markings on the inside of it and I couldn’t help but feel that this was important. I took it and hid it in a small hole I chewed in the wall between some wires. I felt proud of myself as my love could be happy now that the object was taken care of.”
“Uncle Grub this has to be made up; humans can’t wear things on their fingers!” All of the children giggle as Pipsqueak brings up this seemingly mythical idea.
“Pipsqueak, humans are much larger than us rats and they are actually able to wear all sorts of metals on them. I have seen it with my own eyes, and you should know that these items are to never be trusted! That is also what makes my story so dangerous. I am messing with the human world when they could beat me down in one go.” I took a chew of my wood and notice it’s almost gone. I must’ve really gone through it quick. I try to slow down as I go on with the story.
“A bit of time goes by, and I still hadn’t made a move. I just wanted to collect intel on my love. I noticed that after I took the finger object, she was frantically searching for something. I think it may have been the finger object and I never understood why. She constantly was crying and searching for it, which made me sad, though I never gave the object back. Soon after I decided to make a romantic gesture. I picked out some perfect nuts and garbage to leave at her bedroom door and I watched as she opened it and stepped directly on it! She looked angry and picked it up and immediately threw it in the trash. This made me so sad that I didn’t watch her for a few days after. How could she have been so careless with my act of love? I would never understand.”
“She threw away free garbage?! She’s crazy, absolutely mouse like! Who throws away free garbage!” The children were going wild as they pondered this idea. I licked some more water listening to their debate. There is something so cute about rat pups and kits arguing about adult events. They quieted down while I took the reins back.
“One day not long after, I decided to make a risky move and explore her living quarters. I thought I could get an idea for what else to get her. I trotted into her bedroom and the room filled with a vanilla scent and I felt like I was glowing. I jumped into her bed and felt all the soft bedding on my paws. Usually furniture feels hard and rough, but this…this was like laying on a sheep’s wool! I spent some time jumping up and down and sniffing everything I can. My whiskers brush against so many objects I don’t know the names of, and I ran around the room joyously with no care in the world. This did not last long though as the colony had heard about my disappearance and my lack of tasks I had completed.” The pups looked scared as they felt the shift in what I was saying. I put on my best angry rat accent before continuing with talking about my brother.
“‘What the hell do you think you’re doing pretty boy?’ Your Uncle Fink was standing in the doorway leaning against the bedframe. He was not happy and incredibly skeptical. I could tell he been eating my share of the food servings because his stomach looked so much fatter than when I last saw him.”
The mischief giggled at this remark. Most of them had met Fink before he had passed, and so they understood why I was speaking of him this way as he loved eating all he could.
“‘Fink! What are you doing down here?’ Panic had started to set in as I remembered that I hadn’t been to the colony in weeks. I had assumed they would think I got taken by the sniffer but clearly, I was wrong. Your Uncle Fink questioned what I was doing, which considering how long I had been gone makes sense. To get him to go away I told him as little as possible, which those of you know Uncle Fink was incredibly persistent.”
“‘Grub what is going on? What’s keeping you here?’ He asked me looking more curious than angry. I had kept this a secret for so long that I was dying to tell someone. So, the beans spilled to Fink. I told him I was in love with a human. I will never forget that look on his face as he stared at me in disbelief before he started squeaking in laughter at my proclamation. He even doubled over squealing, and I felt the fur on my back start to rise and my whiskers twitch.”
The children all looked intrigued as to what would happen next. I paused to build their suspense. This is a little dramatic as I know what I’m about to say. I hope I don’t give them nightmares.
“‘Grub, humans hate rats. She would never love you back! She would kill you the second she saw you because you’re so damn ugly!’ Fink fell over laughing at me and I got even angrier.”
“‘That’s not true Fink! She would love me back! I know it, I feel it.’ I began to get defensive knowing that I still needed to win her over to get to my goal of true love. I still didn’t know how, but I of course wouldn’t tell Fink that.
“‘Why do you even like a human dude? Humans are disgusting. Yeah, we may eat trash from time to time, but they live with their trash! They also collect random samples from sniffers when they shit. I think they eat those samples. It’s disgusting dude, you don’t want that. It’s 100% a red flag to live with garbage in your home.’ He had stopped laughing after he said this and looked concerned.”
At this all the pups were rolling around in laughter holding their stomachs. They were squeaking and squealing at Fink’s funny lines. I laugh along with them thinking of this memory as well. He always was clever like that.
“At this moment the sniffer comes stomping in. He must’ve heard us squeaking and came sprinting. He goes after Fink and before Fink even has time to react, he’s lifted and flung around like a toy! I froze at first, not sure what I should do to help. Neither Fink nor I had expected this to happen. I jumped into action to save his life.”
At this all the little ones start screaming as they can imagine the sniffer making a milkshake out of any rat. That is something we are exposed to at a very young age, and I would hate for any of them to actually experience it. It does make for a good story though. Of course, I would never tell them a story where their Uncle Fink dies brutally as this wouldn’t even be true. I wait for them to settle down a bit and hold hands with each other scared at what was going to come next.
“The next thing I did was that I jumped on the bed and onto the sniffer’s head! I started yanking on his ears so that he dropped Fink and became distracted by me. Then both Fink and I ran for our lives under the bed and into the darkest corner so that the sniffer could not see us, but only sniffed around looking for us. We were not yet out of danger as we could hear the sniffer trying to snuff us out like a great detective of scents. Both Fink and I remained quiet as rats trying to not even breathe and hope that the sniffer would pass us by. Luckily, the sniffer had only nicked his fur and left a tiny little mark with a few drops of blood on the floor.”
I glance up as my eyes had closed in on these details of the scene that I had forgotten. I felt my own heart rate rise at this as I had really gotten into it. I even almost left my rocking chair using my hands to emphasize. I can tell the babies are on edge as well as they all are clutching what they could, their fur standing up on their backs. It is adorable, yet I want to put them out of their suspenseful misery.
“We waited under the bed for I don’t even know how long! The sniffer luckily was far too big for him to fit under, so we were quickly able to escape after he had left. Fink thanked me profusely for saving his life and even gave me a hug, which is something he had never done. He then allowed me to be alone and agreed not to tell the colony what was going on. He did insist on being able to come check on me and maybe get some remnants of the food that I collect for myself. I agreed and sent him home.”
I feel the tension in the room release as every little rat exhales. They know Uncle Fink died of poisoning, but maybe they forgot when I mentioned the sniffer. I chuckle and grin at them showing my pointed teeth and they all smile back at me with theirs.
“I started thinking about what Fink had said. I didn’t think she would kill me. She might be afraid at first but once she saw that I wasn’t trying to hurt her she might give me a chance. I didn’t think she was like most humans. I thought we had a future together; I was convinced it was our destiny.”
The pups start rolling their eyes again.
“Uncle Grub, you were on a roll with the action. First the ring and then the sniffer! Now you’re back to the mushy stuff!” I could tell they were starting to get impatient as I was going into a lot of detail.
“Okay okay hold your whiskers! I will skip ahead if that’s what you want.” I started to think and began telling the rest of the story.
“My love returned home after an unknown amount of time. She had been looking much happier these days and always on this square screen thing. I was not sure what she was doing, but it would vibrate a lot and very loudly. She also was beginning to dress nicer, which I wasn’t exactly a fan of, but she was still my love. I realize now that me and Fink weren’t as spotless as we had thought ourselves to be. In fact, we had left some drops of blood and a good amount of rat hair when Fink had got bitten. Out of nowhere, a scream pierces the almost silent house. She must’ve found our skirmish site. She flees from the room and grabs her square screen from the counter. She starts speaking into it rapidly and soon enough many people are in the house leaving what look like little gift boxes. I was so curious as to what they were but also so afraid of being seen! I waited until it got dark before scampering out and examining the box.”
I take a sip of water and watch the mischief’s reactions. They are all on the edge of their seats wondering what is going to happen next. I take my time while they rock my chair back and forth squeaking in my ear.
“Shhhh, let me finish!” I get them to once again be quiet and I can tell that nighttime is coming quickly. I can see their impatient parents tapping their tails wanting me to be done with their children. Regardless, the pups and kits sit and pay no attention to their families waiting to give them baths.
“So, nightfall arrives, and I started examining the gift box. I was so confused as to what it was, but I thought it might be a present for me! It looked wrapped complexly and I was so excited to open it to see what was inside. I could smell a nice twang of what could have been cheese, or maybe crackers, or maybe even rotten eggs! I used my little nose to sniff all I could and right before I could put my paws on it, I heard shouting.
“‘Grub no! Don’t do it! Don’t do it!’ I turned around to see Fink with some berries in hand up on the countertop. I figured he must’ve come out despite us agreeing he wasn’t to do this often.
“‘Grub it’s a trap’ he called down to me. I froze. I was determined that my love wouldn’t have betrayed me like that, but then how much do I really know about the human world? I let Fink come down to me and he had his mouth full of berries.
“‘It’s a trap my brother, it will kill you. I tried to warn you earlier today, and I’m so thankful you saved my life, and I can’t let you touch the trap.’ Fink’s words hit me hard and I became very sad.”
I hear sniffles and look to see who it is. It’s pipsqueak starting to tear up.
“Uncle Grub, this is so sad! Will he ever find love?” She calls out. The other little ones begin to nod in agreement. I again am hit with the realization that they aren’t aware of the real world.
“Ah yes, I’ll again fast forward a bit for you. So, I came back to the attic with the colony and lived happily. Well, almost happy. First, we had to move since our colony was at risk for being exposed, but then I met a nice female rat who did not want children and we settled down here with the rest of the family for the rest of our lives. The end.”
I start to put my hands together and get up thinking the children will run off to their families as it ends. They all cheer and give hugs and sniffs before bed. They took their time which surprised me but made me feel much better after reliving that time of my life.
As I head to my part of the attic, separated from the rest of the colony, I start to think back to the story. My mood was brought down remembering those moments as I have never truly healed from that heartbreak. I have a secret stash where I keep my favorite nuts and berries that I don’t want to share. I push them all aside now and reach for the metal circular object I’ve kept hidden away all these years. I play with it the metal very cold on my warm paws. I sigh as I look at it. Since that day I almost got caught in the traps, the colony had to move from that home. We made it to where we are now, which is much smaller, yet quite comfortable for an old rat like me. I kept the finger object out of my undying love for that human. Although she tried to kill me and Fink and the rest of my family, I still want to be reminded of the love I once felt. I will always love that human and will always be connected to her. I don’t know if she’s happy and will never see her again, but I will keep this reminder for the rest of my days. I take the finger object and tuck it back in behind my nuts and berries. I then curl up and fall into a deep slumber.
Colleen Hoke is an undergraduate senior graduating in May with degrees in English and Anthropology. This is her first story to be published.
Hoke says about the piece: “I wrote this story for a class, but the way that I came up with it was kind of random. I actually was writing a completely different story for the assignment and then I realized I didn’t like it, so I came up with this one instead. My apartment was having a mouse problem and I just started thinking of animals in the trash and what a rat’s life might look like.”
“October Day”, Jean Charles Cazin (1893).